ORDINANCE
No. 001The rich are banned from this area

By order of nobody in particular, the rich are hereby banned from this area.

The ban covers, but is not limited to: yachts, yacht-adjacent persons, private terminals, and anyone who has ever said “my people will call your people.”

Enforcement begins at the harbor and works inland. Appeals may be filed in writing and will be read aloud for entertainment.

Wear it until the print cracks. That is when it starts looking right.

Section 1: Definitions

“This area” means wherever the garment is worn. The boundary moves with the wearer.

“The rich” means anyone who owns a boat with staff. Ownership of a second boat removes the right of appeal.

“Yacht-adjacent persons” includes brokers, crew recruiters and anyone paid to say “welcome aboard.”

Section 2: Enforcement

Enforcement is voluntary and constant. No officers are appointed. The print does the work.

Private terminals are closed under this ordinance. Commercial gates remain open to everyone, including the banned.

Helicopters are covered by a separate notice. That notice has not been written and will not be.

Section 3: Appeals

Appeals must be filed in writing. Handwriting is preferred, since the rich rarely have any.

Each appeal is read aloud once. Applause counts as a rejection.

No appeal has been received. None is expected.

Section 4: Compliance

The garment is compliance. Wearing it oversized is full compliance.

The print is designed to crack. Cracking is not a defect. It is the ordinance taking effect.

Care instructions apply. Wash cold, inside out, and never iron directly over the print.

Section 5: Effect

This ordinance takes effect on publication. It expires when hoarding stops being a personality.

Approved: 0 objections